And then I had kids. The panic of raising Warriors for God is overwhelming at times. I asked Christ into my life at 6 years old. Not because I truly understood what I was asking, but because I went to a Baptist Church that gave you a toy when you walked down that aisle to kneel. My friend got a toy. It looked awesome and by golly, I wanted one too. It wasn't until I was 25 and praying at that stop light that I truly asked God into my life. That I understood I wasn't asking some white haired ghostly figure into my "heart," but rather I was asking Jesus Christ, the One who loves me more than anyone else, the One who created me in my mother's womb, the One who knows my beginning, middle and end, the One who never turned against me even when I pushed him away- I was asking Him into my LIFE. To walk with me each day. To show me a new path. To guide me and help me. I was asking for a new difficult life, but one I wouldn't need to walk alone.
But that initial experience when I was 6 and the questions and doubts I had growing up led me to stay quiet in regards to Salvation in my home. We pray. We read the Bible. We go to church. I certainly want them to ask Christ into their lives, but I didn't want it to be for the wrong reasons and I had my doubts that it's something a child truly understands.
So tonight Isaac brought me his Action Bible to read at bedtime. I told him he could choose a PART of the Bible and I would be happy to read it. He chose Revelations. So I read it to him and at the end there was a part about Jesus knocking on your door and asking you to let him in. He said, "Yeah, but no one's knocked on our door!" And then the words came. The words I was so scared would never come to me. The words I didn't have before. They were there. And I was reminded of a verse I read earlier this week in Matthew. Jesus was speaking to the disciples and said to them: 19 I told Isaac how God created him and has a very special plan just for him. I explained that God wants a relationship with him. That God wants him to turn to Him when he's sad or angry or scared and He wants to know everything going on in his life. I told him how, when you have a relationship with God, you have a desire to know Him more and to learn more about all that He's done. But you have to ask him into your life. He's knocking, but it's up to you to answer. Isaac said, "Yeah, but one time I prayed to God to give me a lab." I explained that asking God into your life doesn't mean you get what YOU want. It means you get what GOD wants. I told him that God's plan is always bigger and better than our own. I told him that I was planning on getting married, having 1 child and being a teacher forever. But instead I got to have Jared and Grayson and Katie too! Now I work from home so I can be with them more. God's plan was bigger and so much better. I told him that God may decide that a lab is something he is meant to have later. He may decide that he's not supposed to have a lab because he's going to have something better instead. We don't know. All we know is that God wants what is best to glorify Him. Always.
We left it at that and I read a Christmas book someone else had chosen. Then it was bedtime and Isaac started his prayers his usual way. But then he said, "And God, please come in my heart and into my life. Help me to be brave and not scared." He said something else but I was crying. Because there are no toys. There are no promises. There's just a young boy who heard God knocking and he decided to open the door. I am forever grateful to my Heavenly Father for showing me again and again that all things are possible through Him. I am forever grateful that He can work past my own doubts and fears and insecurities to grab hold of the heart he desires. I have no doubts that my other 3 children will hear the knocking of Christ when it is their time. I am so incredibly grateful that God's plan is bigger and so much better than my own.